Friday, November 1, 2013

Jesus Christ

I feel like crying to the point where I can't breathe. I don't feel loved. I don't feel needed. I don't feel. What the fuck did I ever do to deserve being treated this shittily?

Monday, July 1, 2013

Long time

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm with Mark and have been for almost a year. I wish I knew what to do. We fight so much lately. Ever since he lost his job because of a dumb ass ignorant fuck, things have been shitty. I just wish he would stop accusing me of cheating. I've never done it. I've had my heart shattered, why would I shatter his? I don't want anyone feeling that pain.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Happier than a mother fucker

So Mark made me feel amazing just now. Told me to be a model ;3 and was making me flip into positions. Woo

Monday, July 30, 2012

Scared

I don't know what to do at the moment.  I'm trying so damn hard not to cut lately but I want to so bad.  For no reason either.  I haven't been upset lately.. a bit disorientated but that's about it.  I'm scared to let anyone else into my life, especially when it comes to college.  Who wants to be friends with some fucked up lunatic that slices up her leg and starves herself to the point where her shit isn't solid anymore.  Ugh.  I'm not fit to be dating anyone and I know it yet I still seek out people that would be willing to put up with my shit.  Then I find some candidates.. and I chicken out.  Although one candidate is 32 but I didn't know that until I got into it.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Please know..

Please. Know that no matter what I do.. especially to myself and if it hurts you.. I dont mean to hurt you. I do love you and this was never your fault.. nor will it ever be.

I just wish I had meant more to you.
A priority of some sort.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Pretend

Pretend everything is okay.
Pretend youre happy.
Pretend youre confident.
Pretend youre worth it.
Pretend youre beautiful.
Pretend life doesn't control you.
Pretend you dont give a fuck.
Pretend they love you.

Because in the end, at night, youre alone with your demons.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Left out

I'm so tired of feeling left out.  I wish I didn't have to put myself out there to hang out with people, I would much rather people come to me and be all.. "Dude, I totally want to hang with you!"  I have no drive left, I sleep too much, I eat too little, and I'm just sad all the damn time.  Work seems to be the only thing stable in my life because I'm actually NEEDED there.  I fill in and help out where I'm needed.  It's rather amusing how many guys "hit on me."  I mean, half the time they can be joking but it still makes me feel better about myself.. ya know?  Ugh.
COLLEGE!  I'm so scared to do it but I know I need to.  I just don't know what is going to happen and that scares me most of all.
I want to write more and maybe I'll pop on later to, but for now I feel like I should get back to Ben and Andrew.